I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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