im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
They are going to name an STD after you.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
