this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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