You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
