I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Mom said you looked used
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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