Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
