tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
