Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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