Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
