he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize