that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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