Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
