I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
