nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
