This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
