Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
