If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
