something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
