no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if only i could text you this smell
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
