i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
