I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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