What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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