I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
