I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
