She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
