fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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