Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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