I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
