I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
