I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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