Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
