P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
