I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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