So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
