he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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