She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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