she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
sex in a hospital.. check
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
