I feel like abortions should bother me more
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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