Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
