like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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