I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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