As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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