yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
