just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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