I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
