the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Welp...herpes.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
