Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize