im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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