Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
