i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize