he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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