Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
