I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
