he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
