He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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