Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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