so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize