But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Is it penis luge time yet?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
