i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
