she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
