You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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