He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
