Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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