im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
