you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
