It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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