apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
