carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
