Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
