speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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