I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think your dad took our porno
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
