This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
