She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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