haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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