So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My feet surprised me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
