oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
