we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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