his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
