Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
