A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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