He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
