Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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