the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
