We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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