Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize