Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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