I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
